I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
FUCK WHALES
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
