with your own penis?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
