I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
