would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
