I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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