also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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