So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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