Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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