apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
