So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
