After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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