He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
