I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
