he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
