Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize