hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
