Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
