I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
