um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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