Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
