he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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