the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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