yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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