I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
