there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
