I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
