NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
