Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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