why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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