and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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