I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
