literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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