I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
