I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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