forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
