Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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