its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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