Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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