i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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