No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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