I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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