What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
