Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
