You're my little dorito
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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