i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We got so high we made milksteak
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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