I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize