Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
