We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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