I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
