Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
