She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
