drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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