what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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