i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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