Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
