No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
