How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize