I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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