Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
