Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
