I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
