You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
two words: eviction party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
