This is not my ceiling
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
