Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
