You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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