i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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