I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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