So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
