You can't motorboat a personality
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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