i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
