Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
