i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
